So much for keeping my promise to myself

I try to write every morning but I keep getting in my way. I say that because often I don’t know what to write, nor do I how to go about what I’m thinking.

Daily chores conflict with my writing time. But then again, anything could fill that bill. If I let it, that is.

But why is writing such a challenge?

Is it because to write I have to reach deep inside my thoughts? Reaching deep shouldn’t be an challenge or even an issue. It should be like breathing air — a natural response. I have, however, been breathing longer than I’ve been a writer.

Or is it because I don’t let my deep thoughts be known? Do I even have deep thoughts? I’m such a generalist I wonder if I have opinions on many things.

Or is it because I’m too lazy to focus? Focus shouldn’t be an issue because the focus required to complete my thesis was most pleasurable. So much in fact that I stayed in graduate school and earned a second Masters. I love research to the point that I call it an illness. There are times when I can’t stop learning.

But by always learning new things, I have new knowledge of many things and not much in-depth knowledge of the many things. A few exceptions exist, though. Some subjects keep my attention long enough for me to become an authority.

Like caring for goats, for instance. Goats are incredible creatures with individual personalities. It would be nice if I knew how to let them make a living for me without selling them but, unfortunately. That’s how one makes money in farming/ranching, by buying and selling critters.

I digress.

Meeting my muse should be my goal in writing every day. I’ve met her. She’s alive and well and waiting for me to awaken her — again. From what I’ve seen, she’s delightful, creative, funny, to the point, and hungry to explore herself.

So why then, am I delaying meeting her or getting to know her more freely?

The word trust comes to mind. Maybe I don’t trust that she’ll be there for me. I’ll work on trusting her and on trusting that she’ll be there for us.

I’ll work with trusting her and letting her shine then post what I’ve discovered.

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