Not sure what I’ll be doing today but whatever it is, I’ll do it without guilt. Don’t you think that all birthdays should be guilt-free zones where we indulge ourselves any way we choose without feeling guilty about it, or without feeling as though we wasted any time. We should give ourselves the gift of at least one full day where guilt does not enter our thoughts.

I MAY:
bathe the horses but not as usual; today I’ll take time to massage softener throughout their manes and tails. I might even braid their tails. But I do want to see just how soft their tails can be. Although I am out of carrots maybe the apples will keep their attention for a bit longer than usual. That is, if all this attention doesn’t work.

I MAY:
read the rest of the day: Years ago I remember reading for pleasure but also feeling guilty because I wasn’t studying something, or memorizing something, or analyzing something. (Guess that comes from too many years in school — a feeling of loss when it’s all over. PS. I’m over that guilt now but it was an adjustment.)

I MAY:
write on my blog. It’s been too long and it’s time to get caught up.

I will NOT:
mow. Although I enjoy the immediate gratification — not on my birthday; I have mowed for the past two days so today is definitely a no mow zone.

I will NOT:
weed. Even though those little seed heads are ready to burst and spread throughout the lands, today I will not weed. They’ll be there tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the next … . (Get the picture?)

I will NOT:
worry or fret about ANYTHING. That’s my ultimate goal … to be gentle with my heart and my blood pressure — for one entire day. Then once I accomplish this, I’ll expand the practice from one day to one week, then to two weeks … and so on.

Here’s why

On August 8th I spent the night in the hospital suffering from heat exhaustion; thinking that I had had a mild heart attack. If you’ve ever felt your heart jump out of your chest, you’ll know what happened. My heart doesn’t usually argue with me but it did that day. I had been feeding the bees in my bee suit but got too hot and almost had to crawl into the garage for the Gatorade.

It’s been three years since I’ve ridden in an ambulance (October 10, 2011 Bob and I were in an auto accident and went to the hospital to be checked out, all went well); but, it’s still no fun. My heart goes out to those who are traveling at a speed that requires a siren. Being strapped in at normal driving speed was scary enough. Then there was the transfer from the ambulance to the ED. EMS assured me that they only drop people on Saturdays and since this was Monday, I was safe. I suppose this is EMS humor; those folks are wonderful, I might add.

I kept thinking about the $800.00 taxi ride to the hospital. If my husband had been closer to home, he could have taken me but he didn’t want me to wait the one and a half hours for him to get here from Charlotte. So, I called the 911.

I did enjoy having food delivered to me in bed. Someone else figured out the meal, cooked it, then brought it to me; someone else picked up the dirty dishes and voila, I was ready for my next meal. But other than that, it was not restful even thought I was on strict bed rest. I do wonder how hospital kitchens manage to suck all the salt out of food, though. Grits without salt? You’ve got to be kidding.

After exhaustive tests on my heart stresses, it was determined that my heart is strong and doing quite well. That left the heat exhaustion. It was a scary experience.

How many ‘wake up calls’ does a person need? Well, I’ve had two: one for cancer and this one for my supposed heart attack.

Stop the stress and that means all types of stress, not just worry.

That doesn’t mean I can’t work out here, after all we love our home and our critters. But it does mean that I must focus on what is important, and working in high humidity isn’t it. Although, the hubster made me promise to not get over heated — ever again. Actually, he put me on a schedule of low long I may work outside and I had to promise to stop working with the bees no later than 10:00 a.m.

After all, we’re in this together and if anything happens to either one of us, our home ceases to exist as we, and our critters know it. That’s scary enough for me to make dramatic changes.

Today is the first of many stress free, guilt free days. How about you? How many wake up calls do you need? I’ve had two; I may not get another one.