July 20, 2011

WEDNESDAY, JULY 20, 2011

Started treatment with Octreotide

My first visit to the ‘back room’ of the cancer center was somewhat comforting. It was a large room with a centralized nursing station surrounded by large over-stuffed comfy-looking chairs. Each chair was encircled with a privacy curtain and plenty of magazines. Now I know where the good magazines are located.

My nurse made me feel comfortable by explaining everything I needed to know about the octreotide and what would be happening within the next few days. For the first three days I’ll get less than a milliliter of medicine just to make sure I have no allergies or obnoxious side effects. Then on the fourth day I’ll receive the 30-day version. Baby steps are always a good thing.

Well, so far so good. The shot is oil-based and requires a larger needle than I’d hoped but since I use a larger one for some of the medicines I give my goats I can’t complain too much.

Moving on. I felt a bit swimmy-headed walking to my car. Not wanting to drive away from the clinic too soon, I sat there for a few minutes. I was OK in a couple of minutes.

The really good news is that I can already tell a difference; I’ve only had one bowel movement since I’ve been home and it was decent. Before the octreotide I’d have movements of mostly diarrhea about over two hours.

Hummmm, maybe this shot will work after all. I’ve had diarrhea since 1998 when my gall bladder was removed. Relief, at last.

I go for tiny shot number two tomorrow. I’ll let you know how that goes.

Keep smiling

TUESDAY, JULY 19, 2011

Met with oncologist for my three-month followup

The news was good — all the tests indicate that my cancer is stable. No new growths, no changes. That’s good. If that’s good then why am I sad.

I’m sad and mad because nothing can be done to get this out of my body. I’m not a candidate for liver surgery because the tumors are scattered throughout my liver. The good news is that they haven’t grown since my last CAT scan. We’re in the ‘let’s check again in three months’. I can’t imagine how expensive this experience will be. I’m feeling somewhat fatalistic this morning. Based on what I’ve read, having a day like this is normal. CRAP.

The good news is that carcinoid tumor cancer is extremely slow growing but they do grow.

I start my octreotide shots today because I still have diarrhea. Diarrhea has been part of life ever since I lost my gall bladder in 1999. I wonder if a CAT scan back then would have changed today’s outcome.
Ahhhhhhhhhh the value in 20-20 hindsight.

The shots will start small. First I get less than a milliliter with a tiny needle. That’s good. The medicine will last for a couple of days and is a test to see if I have any reactions. I hope not … what’s my other choice?

See? Told you I was a fatalist. I’ll shape out of it in a minute. Bare with me.

My doctor answered all my web-found questions and even spoke kindly about the Carcinoid Cancer Foundation (CCF). I’m glad he’s heard of them. Now I can continue reading the materials with an increased confidence.

ALL of my medical professionals have told me to stay OFF the web. “Don’t believe what you read. Most of that information is WRONG. You’re chances are better then what you’ll read about.” My CHANCES? These words are aimed at me and if aimed at me then my family structure will change dramatically. THAT’s why I’m sad. Knew the reason would surface.



Guess I’d better start finding my animals good homes. Well, the goats at least. The dogs, cats, chickens, and horses are family. So are the goats, if the truth be known. I LOVE my goats … but they need better, longer lasting homes. They’re good goats.

That’s enough for now. I need to go adjust. 🙂

WEDNESDAY, JULY 13, 2011

Meditation

The Universe has an incredible way of communicating. All we have to do is listen. But listening to the Universe can be tricky. The one way I’ve noticed that it talks to me is when things keep coming up. For instance, the value of meditation keeps repeating itself. Every where I look, I see some message about meditation.

I get it. I get it.

Meditation is an important part of life. It used to be a part of my life but I seem to get busy and forget or simply don’t take the time to slow down and meditate or reflect of the journey of the day.

Life has a way of telling you what is more important then other things. Life is telling me that meditation and growing within is important enough for me to take notice and focus inwardly.

As I learn more about it and identify resources, I’ll post them here.

Deepak Chopra has several books, CDs, and learning aids about meditation. Here is one of his websites:
http://www.chopra.com/dailyinspiration

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